In a land far, far away armored knights clash lances, wizards cast spells and gypsies dance to magical beats.  Villagers in dust covered garments peddle, while jewel adorned royalty walk with heads held high.  Suddenly, a familiar sound is heard.  ”Hark, thy cell phone ringth!”  

Yes, it’s that time of year again when modern day Tampa meets the rustic, medieval town of Fittleworth.  Located in North Tampa just outside of MOSI (Museum of Science and Industry), the Bay Area Renaissance Festival celebrates its 30th year and seems to be stronger than ever, despite the fragile economy.  Once you walk through the gates, you are immediately transported back to the days of King Henry VIII and his beautiful queen, Catherine Parr.  The festival is a magical realm of maypoles and minstrels; merlins and merchants.  Ethereal skinned fairies prance and skip amongst festival guests, and impromptu sing-a-longs take place around nearly every corner.   This medieval land is a place where you can go and escape the everyday stresses of our current world.  At the Bay Area Renaissance Festival,  also known as BARF (its unappealing acronym), happiness is abundant.  There is also no shortage of unusual characters that are regularly seen wandering the festival grounds.  Look for trolls, storytellers, jousting knights, a royal court and villagers.  One of the most famous villagers may be Christophe the Insultor, better known as Christopher Buelhman, a talented actor and writer based in St. Petersburg, FL.  Buelhman wanders the festival, insulting people for money.  Let’s just say, the more money you give to Buelhman, the worse the insult.  As a festival patron of many years, I have become a huge fan of Christophe the Insultor.  Trust me, the guy can be cruel but he is highly creative and is surely a festival staple.  To take Buelhman’s heat, you either need to be equipped with a good sense of humor or a strong brew.  

“Lords” will delight in watching beautiful gypsies gyrate their bodies to enchanting melodies, while “ladies” will find it hard not to stare at those sexy medieval dudes in skin stretching tights.  One of the most famous pair of legs at the Bay Area Renaissance Festival belongs to Randy Constan, better known as Peter Pan.  Constan is a regular to the Tampa festival and spends his time while there “pixie dancing to the sounds of harps and flutes.”  Constan, who portrays the fantasy character of Peter Pan, dresses in the signature green tunic, tights, feather cap and elf like shoes.  There never seems to be a lack of elaborate and theatrical styled costumes at the festival.  Some patrons, in addition to the festival characters, come adorned in medieval garb allowing them to blend in with the atmosphere.

In addition to the many eccentric characters, there is a plethora of vendors which make up the medieval marketplace.  Tents line the festival grounds, each filled with different goods.  Some vendors sell goddess scented perfumes, potions and incense.  Choose a handmade oil to lure a lover, or bring home a fragrant candle that you may have helped to create.  Wanna really get into a fairy tale like mood?  Why not get your hair braided like a princess or beautify your arms with henna ink.  Get fitted for elf ears, have your fortune told by a crystal ball or try squeezing yourself into a laced corset after lunch.  

If shopping isn’t your cup of  tea, there are many other great ways to spend your day at the festival.  Entertaining actors preform throughout the day on various wooden stages.  Some of my “can’t miss” favorite shows include live armored contact jousting, the washing well wenches, and the ever famous mud show (don’t wear white… you’ve been warned). There is also a new act this year featuring Lady Mesmer, a professional comedic hypnotist, who encourages crowd participation. Uh-oh.  

Children are definitely welcomed; in fact, every year there is something called “Festival Friday,” which is an educational day for participating Bay Area schools.  There are medieval themed rides and games, not to mention the Children’s Realm.  This is where little girls can become princesses for the day and boys can channel their inner pirates.

If a cup of English tea is what you need, you may sit down with Queen Catherine Parr and exchange royal gossip.  And be sure not to miss out on the character parade.  Each and every day, the villagers and royal court will walk through the festival, waving and smiling at guests.

The Bay Area Renaissance Festival is certainly a place you will never leave hungry.  Turkey legs are the most sought after item on the festival’s menu.  In fact, over 30,000 pounds of turkey legs were ordered this year!  Scotch eggs (a hard boiled egg wrapped in sausage and coated in bread crumbs, then deep fried) are also a favorite and tend to sell out quickly.  On a cooler day at the festival, one might delight in soup served in a bread bowl.  For a hearty English lunch, shepherd’s pie comes to mind or perhaps a plate of fish and chips.  And for a lighter meal, try the sauteed garlic mushrooms.  A runner-up to this dish would be a bowl of tempura battered vegetables.  For a snack, pick up some sugar coated nuts.  The smell of these alone is olfactory heaven.

There are also plenty of traditional style foods available at the festival such as quesadillas, roasted corn and burgers (try the portobello mushroom kind).  The kids will love eating dino nuggets.  Dinosaur sure tastes like chicken… oh wait, it is chicken. And what’s a festival without the booze?  Black and Tan, a beer that is made from a blend of pale ale and a dark beer such as a porter or stout, is very popular.  The Snakebite (a drink made from hard cider and lager beer) is also often requested and although its venom isn’t poisonous, it is certainly strongly felt.  The honey mead’s sweet nectar is intoxicating to sip, making it a must to try.  You can even purchase a leather or pewter drinking mug at the festival and use that instead of a “not so authentic” plastic cup.  The Feast of Fantasy is a food event that some festival patrons choose to do instead of the traditional booths.  With a special ticket, you are not only admitted to the festival, but you also get a sit down, six course feast fit for a king.  Two hours of entertainment and a unique gift are also included.  

With all the fine food and drink at the festival, there is no surprise the amount of merriment and love which abounds.  Certain festival guests may even be lucky enough to witness a fairy tale wedding taking place on the grounds.  There are some newlyweds that couldn’t think of a more romantic place to exchange their vows.  Happily ever after?  Well, to each his own, I say.

The Bay Area Renaissance Festival is not only love struck, but it is also star struck.  This year the festival is holding auditions for the movie, “All’s Faire in Love,” starring Christina Ricci and Cedric the Entertainer.  If you have ever dreamed of being an extra in a movie, you may now get your chance by just attending the festival.

Each weekend the festival hosts a different theme, so don’t expect to take home the same experience twice.  On February 21st to the 22nd, which was the first weekend of the festival,”Highland Fling” was the theme.  Just picture a lot of men walking around in kilts. From February 28th to March 1st was the “Wine, Chocolate and Song” weekend; the perfect place for a romantic date. On March 7th to the 8th, “A Silk Road:  Discover the Riches,” there will be a pet fest, belly dancing and a juggling competition. A weekend of “Shamrocks and Shenanigans” will take place on March 14-15th, in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day.  Just watch out for those naughty little Leprechauns!  On the weekend of March 21st to the 22nd, the theme is “Italian Masters,” which includes many interesting inventor exhibits.  ”The High Seas Adventure” is set to sail on March 28th to the 29th.  It is biker weekend, so bikers (and pirates, of course) are welcome.  ”The Spanish Expedition,” April 4th to the 5th, concludes the Bay Area Renaissance Festival.  There will be mass vow renewals, Spanish food, a flower festival and a longbow competition.

So, for all ye peasants and fools out there, it’s time come out to Tampa’s best known festival.  It’s a place where there are plenty of overflowing bosoms, long haired men and sparkly fairy wings.  Just beyond the gates, modern day language changes to Old English and technology no longer exists.  Just be sure to bring good walking shoes and your sense of humor.  After all, where else can you pay money to have your best friend insulted and ogle a man in purple tights, while your face is covered in turkey grease?

*The Bay Area Renaissance Festival has had its gates opened since February 21st and will continue to do so until April 5th.

Hours are from 10 am to 6 pm, weekends only.  Rain or shine!

Tickets at the gate:  Adult-$16.95, Child (5-12)-$8.95, Senior (62+)-$13.95/Discounted tickets are available at Walgreens, Circle K or through Sweetbay Supermarkets.

There is plenty of free parking.

Don’t forget to bring along your medieval beasts.  Leashed dogs and cats are always welcomed at the festival.

Costumes are allowed.

The festival is located in North Tampa at 11315 46th Avenue (Fowler and 46th Street), adjacent to MOSI (Museum of Science and Industry) and across from the USF Sundome